Infected Mishaps
by Seityrn
Summary: A Fanfic that features how the infected life can be in the Zombie Apocalypse.HIATUS
1. Hunter Pounce 1

_**Alright, this is going to be a FanFic that helps me pass some time. Be warned that there will be some swear words here… Just a bit though… no biggy. ^^**_

/This is how I make infected speak with one another/

**And no, I don't own L4D**

**Chapter 1: Hunter's pounce #1**

Location: No Mercy – Apartments

I waited for the survivors to enter the apartments before heading to the highest of the rooftops in here.

I can hear gurgling and coughing inside the apartments, indicating my fellow infected had already set up a trap for the humans. I paid no attention to their plan for I have mine: To pounce from the highest rooftop onto an unsuspecting survivor below.

Rumor has it that this move can cut a quarter of a human's life if done successfully. Seeing my chance to shine in this dull world, I'll be the first to be able to do this feat. Even if I die, the others will forever chant my name in awe.

I felt a slap on my face which brought me back to reality

/stop daydreaming!!!/ My brother screeched

/bro, it's already night/ I snapped

/well then, stop night dreaming!!!/

/uh… it's natural to dream at night/ I answered back

/well then…/

/shut up, they're here/ I said as I crouched, ready to pounce.

My brother just facepalmed himself, forgetting that his claws are attached to his hands.

/Owwww!!!!/ he cried as he fell off the roof we were resting on.

'Jerk' I thought. I turned to the group and noticed an old man limping. A perfect target for this pounce.

/Ready… Now!/ I roared as I launched myself to the old man.

As I soared, I could feel the wind rushing past my face. Adrenaline pumping through me. I focused on the old man ahead of me, still naive of his fate in my hands, claws, paws… whatever.

And then, I landed with a loud thump. Wait… why is there no body on the ground?

Then, I realized what happened: Damn, I missed

_**See ya later! Got to play some more… in the mean time, Please R and R**_


	2. Boomer Bile

_**Hey guys, I'm back! Now, now… Chapter two is here so let's begin.**_

_**Beware! This is gross.**_

Remember: /Infected talking to another infected/

**Still don't own L4D**

**Chapter 2: Boomer bile!**

Location: No Mercy – Subway

I slowly waddled over to the survivors hiding spot. They have decided to camp in a corner by the stairs near the ticket booths after they noticed the earthshaker fiend heading towards them a while ago. Now that they are busy with what they call "Tank", they would have less focus on me.

About time also, cause I feel my stomach ready to throw up again. Somehow, it attracts lesser ones which are obviously cannon fodder when alone but are a force when they have a common goal. I positioned myself slightly behind this "Tank" and puked at the humans with all of my might right after it fell.

They managed to avoid it and escape me. I was dismayed but I did not lose hope.

/Boomey!!!/ an infected yelled behind me

I quickly turned around and saw it was my friend, Smokey. Immediately gave him a hug before telling him that we need to work together in order to get food.

/Yah, yah… I know. Tell you what: I'll snatch one from behind and when the others come, puke on them. So we can get a feast! / He suggested

/Good thinking, Smokey! / I agreed

We then went to pursue the human and while we were at it, we managed to recruit two of those hunters. When we are got to the humans, we got to our positions, ready to ambush the living.

Smokey managed to drag a black guy down the hole in the generator room while the hunters managed to pin down two other humans that tried to save their friend when they got down. I puked at my heart's content and covered everyone in my bile. That, unfortunately, included Smokey and the hunters as well.

/what the Fu-!?/ A hunter shrieked /you just called a horde on me! /

/Boomey!!!/ Smokey yelled /what did you eat, this tastes horrible!/

Smokey, the hunters and even the hordes stopped attacking and gathered around me as I began to recall what I ate.

"What's he saying?" The black guy asked a hunter, curious of the sudden truce

"What boomer here ate" the reply came from the hunter

"We don't understand infected-speak so well" an old man claimed

"I'll translate" the hunter proposed to the human group "go ahead boomer, speak"

/Well, I ate 10 dead rats, a dead dog, a dozen of spoiled pizza, and 1 gallon of expired milk the other day/

"What about yesterday?" the black guy asked, which the hunter immediately translated

/ Yesterday? A dead cat, 15 boxes of worm infested chocolate, 40 moldy hotdogs and another gallon of milk/ I proudly said

/How about earlier? / Smokey asked, trying to hold back his own vomit

/Earlier? A brown and sticky, not to mention smelly, stuff that came from the toi- Um…I think I'm going to blow again…/ I warned before I accidentally threw up on everybody.

However, before they even got covered in my bile, they pushed me aside and ran away. I was interrupted and I accidentally swallowed my vomit. Yeeeccch! No wonder they hate. It's gross alright.

From afar, I heard the biker guy say "I hate Boomers!" before killing all the infected that ran with him.

I readied myself to vomit again but it will take a while. I decided to follow them again and get it right this time.

On second thought… maybe a little toothbrush wouldn't hurt.

_**LoLz… told you guy this is just to pass time out… **_

_**No offense to Boomer lovers. I really needed to think of something gross that would fit the boomer.**_

_**Well, se ya later! Also, R &R.**_


	3. Smoker's Struggle

_**Seityrn: Wahoo! Chapter 3's now here. Enjoy, or pretty much feel what Smokey feels**_

**Valve owns L4D. I don't. Ok?**

Chapter 3: Smoker's Struggle

Location: Anywhere

A coughing infected limped through the shadows, trying to catch up with these so called Survivors. This infected lacked the fighting capabilities of the hunter or tank; the horde calling vomit of the boomer or the lethality of the famous witch. More often than not, the only thing he caused was annoyance… and smoke, earning him the title: Smoker

Whipping his tongue to a survivor, he can begin dragging his victims towards himself. Usually, the survivors would wind up backtracking to rescue their comrade from him. As fun as it looked, annoying the living had its toll. He would often get shot, wounding his fragile body to the sometimes extent that he is forced to flee.

Once, he had the opportunity to capture a lone wolf. He did not let it go and immediately snatched the opportunity. The survivor looked in horror as a tongue came out of nowhere and latched itself to the living.

"No, no, no, no, NOOOOO!!!" the survivor screamed at the top of his lungs

The survivor was slowly dragged to the infected along the cold, hard ground stained with blood.

A familiar screech can be heard in the air, getting louder by each passing moment.

The Smoker did not mind of this as his victim was now before him. He then began to claw at the human mercilessly.

Suddenly, a hunter landed in front of the Smoker. He could only think of one thing right now.

'Damn kill-stealer…'

_**Seityrn: Annoying isn't it? Well, I'll try to update soon.**_


	4. Hunter Pounce 2

_**Seityrn: Hunter time again! Once again, some swear words here.**_

Remember: /Infected Speak/

**L4D is not owned by me but rather, by Valve.**

Also, Vizzera (Viz for short) is owned by the author Vizzera herself. I just borrowed her.

Mark, on the other hand, is mine. Check my profile for more info.

**Hunter's Pounce 2**

Location: No Mercy – the Hospital

************Hunter************

I smelled the air, searching for something different than the foul stench of the commons. The plants here inside Mercy Hospital failed its job of purifying the air, or it was just me. Either way, I managed to sniff out a group of survivors. By their scent, I can deduct that there are about six of them, all in their teenage years and all heading towards the elevator. How can I tell? Cause I'm good… Anyway, I silently followed them, not allowing myself to be seen.

/I am NINJA!!!/ I roared

/sure you are…/ a smoker mocked as he coughed

/What are you guys waiting for? The group already called for the elevator/ a common yelled as he ran past us.

/Showtime! / A boomer said as he waddled to the survivors.

'Was it just me, or was that boomer's breath smelled like mint?' I thought. I shrugged the idea of it having a toothbrush and hid in the vents. I wouldn't want to risk my neck fighting. The leftovers will be mine.

In the elevator waiting place, a female with long auburn hair in a ponytail with greenish blue eyes together with a male with black hair and purple eyes were fending off the infected in a corner. Their comrades, on the other hand, ran around like maniacs, shooting all in their way. Fellow survivors included. One was killed by friendly fire while another was killed by the mint-breath boomer's zombies.

Finally, the elevator arrived. The doors opened and the female I saw earlier immediately rushed in, only to be pounced by a hunter lurking inside the elevator.

"Fucking hunter!!!" she screamed

Her male partner saw of this and drove his right hand in the offending hunter's back; piercing through its heart and killing it instantly.

Creepy. That's what ran in my mind when I saw the teen kill my brethren.

"Are you alright, Viz?" the creepy guy asked as he helped the female

"Yes, thanks for that one, Mark" this 'Viz' said while she holstered her pistols.

The two other survivors ran inside the elevator and immediately closed the door. Unfortunately for them, one was dragged out by the elevator by a smoker. Their numbers are now reduced and I can see my time shine soon. I came out of the vent and climbed alongside the elevator, planning an ambush. I managed to pass the hole on top of the elevator and saw an intriguing scene.

"Hey Louie, can I borrow your pipebomb?" Mark asked

"Uh sure…" Louie said, handing the improvised explosive to the creep

"Okay, thanks!" Mark said as he tossed the bomb at Louie, who failed to catch it

"LOUIE!!!" Viz yelled as their comrade mysteriously fell from the elevator and pummeled to the concrete 15 floors below them.

Okay… maybe Mark isn't creepy. He's 'Freaking Creepy'.

I tried to force that disturbing scene out of my infected mind and climbed on.

* * *

Okay, I'm in the 28th floor of the hospital now. The two are going to arrive any second now. Better hide.

'Where to hide, where to hide?' I asked myself as I strolled by the construction site in the hospital

Behind the Forklift? Nah… too predictable

On top of the boxes? They'd see me

Inside a box? Why the hell would I want to do that?!

Inside the room beside the boxes? Perfect. I can pounce and push a survivor off the ledge. Just in time too.

/My meal…/ I growled as I crouched, ready to pounce any unsuspecting survivor that is foolish enough to pass my ambush point. Mark in this case.

There was a split second when our eyes met before I leapt at him. Everything went in slow-mo as I approached the ledge. And then…

/What the Fuck!!!!/

************Survivors************

"Mark!!!!" Viz screamed as she crouched to look over the ledge and see the hunter fall off Mercy hospital "No…"

"Hey Viz, whatcha looking for?" Mark asked as he squatted beside his friend

"You" she solemnly replied before looking at the teen. "I thought…you fell with the hunter"

"Well, hunter fail" he cheerfully replied as he stood

"Screw you!!! You had me worried" Viz exclaimed before nearly pushing him off the ledge

"Uh… a little help please. Viz?"

************Hunter************

What the heck did just happen? Where's Mark's corpse!?

'Well, at least I'm alive.' I calmly told myself before looking upwards.

Okay, how am I supposed to climb back up there in time for the Finale?

*Facepalm*

"Owwwww!!!!!!!"

_**Seityrn: There, all done. Wait until the finale! A lot of stupidity in there. **_


	5. The Witch Wonders

_**Seityrn: I couldn't think of anything for the Witch for now… So I hope that this will do for the meantime. ^^

* * *

**_

**Chapter 5: The Witch Wonders…**

**Location: Unknown**

She sat alone in a dark corner, tears flowing from her scarlet eyes and down her pale cheeks. She tried to hide from all of the others, but it seems that trouble had its own ways of finding her. She never wanted to be like this, but it couldn't be helped.

The Director gave a sigh. How could she not be happy of the news? She will be given a better role on the sequel and yet, she's still crying her heart out…

…

Time passed, and the Witch still sat in the same corner where the Director had placed her. Numerous survivors bypassed her and she tried to take the chance to ask them a single question. When she got up, however, they all did the same thing: run away from her, leaving her to cry alone once again. Sometimes, her brethren would come to her and ask her a favor, but she minded none until they could answer her question. Ever since, living and infected tried to avoid her.

But times can be cruel…

The survivors' group had a fight with a horde (complete with Smoker, Boomer and Hunters) and was forced to approach the Witch's location. Even though they tried to stay out of the Witch's proximity, it spotted the battleground and began to get up from her sitting position. The infected cleared the way and so did the survivors, trying to find a better place to fight without startling her. They somewhat, although not verbally, agreed that none should startle the witch cause it would just ruin the fun and the thrill of the kill.

The fight resumed between the humans and the infected, far for the witch to be startled but still near enough for her to see them fight.

This disappointed the Witch that she could not have her single question answered. All this time, she just wanted to know one thing. And everyone was refusing to let her know the answer.

She had made her mind. No more that she will sit and wait for the answer to come to her. She's going to have it her own way now. Gathering up her strength, she stood from her position and took a deep breath…

"ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" the witch screeched loud enough to make a random boomer pop akin to how opera singers shatter glass.

* * *

**The WITCH startled EVERYONE!!!**

**

* * *

**

Survivor and Infected stopped the fighting and stared at the enraged Witch. Some had worry on their face while others held a confused look. It's not like every day that you see a Witch get startled for no apparent reason.

"Alright!" she screamed in fury "Why are you all refusing to answer me? All I wanted to ask is this simple question: Who put all of these chopped onions around me!?"

* * *

_**Seityrn: I got this when Hydie-chan was watching SpongeBob. Now please say the disclaimer, Hydie-chan!**_

**Hydie-chan: Stop calling me like what someone out there does… **

**And no, Seityrn here does not own L4D, SpongeBob, and me: The great Hydra-**

_**Seityrn: That's all the time we have, Bye!**_


	6. First story of a common

_**Seityrn: 'Kay, update time again! ^^**_

_**PS: I wrote this as soon as I got up from bed 3 in the morning, so don't expect much**_

**You know the drill; Valve owns L4D.**

**Chapter 6: First story of a common**

**Location: Unidentified**

Ah… even in the afterlife, there is still a caste system amongst us: the Infected.

Hunters dominate the rooftops, searching for prey. Boomers lay wait in ambush to the few living survivors. Smokers distract to allow the others get a chance to kill. Witches tend to hide and avoid combat. Tanks, on the other hand, rush into them. And then, there's us Common Infected, affectionately dubbed as 'commies', 'lesser' and the like.

This life isn't so bad, once you get used to it. Basically, we just wait for something to happen. Examples of which are: Boomer vomit, Car alarms, Pipebombs, Crescendo events… wait, what's a Crescendo event?

Anyway, we end up the same thing: dying, again :(

And finding ourselves living again :)

So while undead, I found something interesting to do; which is to groom myself. What!? You can't blame me for having a small dream can you?

After every kill, I make sure I bathe, brush my teeth (or fangs?), dab myself some perfume, stuff like that. Well, at least I won't be like the many others out there. I am special in my own little way.

One time, I just had a bath when a boomer puked on me. I mean, WTF?! I just had a bath…

**After a long while**

Okay, no more boomer to puke on me and my fresh self… Wait, is that a car alarm?

Time to kill, I'll bathe again later.

…..

Gee, I got blood, sweat, gore and bile mixed in me. Bath time again^^

**After another bath**

Ah, shi-. A hunter just gave me a hug with his bloody hands and stained sweatshirt.

Seriously, I'm beginning to think those guys are bi.*

Back to the bathroom, again.

**After a long time in the bathroom**

Eh… another call, this time though, of boomer bile. Great just in time too, I'm famished.

…

…

Alright… I'm beginning to think why I bother to groom when I end up staining myself anyway.

* * *

*No offense to the hunter's fans. I'm also one


	7. Rooftop Finale

_**Seityrn: Sorry I took so long to update. The hunter that fell off Mercy Hospital took long to get here, that's why T.T**_

/Infected speak/

Warning: mild swearing

Disclaimer: I own this story; Valve owns L4D… and L4D2

**Rooftop Finale**

**Location: No Mercy – Rooftop Finale**

The once silent night sky is filled with howls from the infected as the Chopper pilot ended his call with the seven survivors, signaling the beginning of the Finale. Infected rushed blindly at the survivors whilst the specials waited for their turn. Survivors, on the other hand, took their posts and prepared for the worst.

***********Hunter**

Ahhh, the sweet taste of revenge is already in the air. Commons seem to flock and cover me, which gave me an idea. I ran with them side by side and clawed at the survivor covered in bile. Looks like he and his mates didn't notice me when I ran with the lessers.

"Arrgghhh!!! Hrk-"

He's down and out for the count… but I'll savor victory later. My cover was decimated and I was spotted.

"I shall return" I screeched at the humans, barely able to leap and dodge a bullet that flew into my direction.

_*Toink*_

Oww… I just hit my head in the ceiling. Good thing they didn't see it because it would have hurt my hunter pride. I ran my hand at the back of my head and felt a small lump.

I gave a low whimper and ran outside where I saw a smoker, stifling a giggle. I realizedthat he saw what happened inside and I immediately ripped him to shreds.

Nobody should know that I hit my head when I leaped. It's embarrassing

***********Smoker**

'Running through the pipe is a bad idea' I thought as I caught a glimpse of a survivor 'but good for us'

I released my tongue and it latched itself to the living. He was caught unaware and I began to drag him toward me.

_*Bla-gag*_

_**Smoker assisted against Jack x 1**_

Oww… that's gotta hurt. He just fell 10 feet due to my tongue-snare.

/Go boomer! / I shrieked at my fellow infected /Vomit on him/

/What!? I can't understand what you're saying/ the fat infected replied while he stood beside me

/I said: Vomit on him! /

/Oh, that! Don't talk when your mouth is full/ he scolded

I just rolled my eyes and continue to drag the human. Oh great! The horde is here

_**Smoker assisted against Jack x …**_

_**Boomer assisted against Jack x …. **_

/Uh… was that a growl? / I asked no one in particular

An infected woman looked at me before proceeding to help shred 'Jack'

/Yeah… hunter's growl/ she said

Hunter? Oh shit… I knew it. Kill stealer. I hit the back of his head and the hunter gave a low whimper.

I scratched my head and asked myself 'did he hit his head or something?'

***********Survivors**

"Hey guys, where did Erian go?" Zoey asked her companions

"He didn't make it" Bill mourned at the sight of their fallen comrade in the radio room.

Louis ran inside and expressed his grief. Francis followed him and they prepared as the ground trembled.

"Oh god, not Jack!" Zoey exclaimed as she saw the crowd of infected kill their other comrade.

Francis placed his hand on her shoulder and solemnly shook his head.

"Alright then, let's get this over with and escape"

"_ETA in 7 minutes"_ the chopper pilot said on the radio

***********Boomer**

/Here we go! / I exclaimed my fellow infected.

They all nodded in the plan and I ran towards the survivors. I know it was suicide but I will do it nonetheless.

/They're upstairs/ the lookout smoker reported

I heeded his advice and proceeded with caution as I climbed the ladders when the humans aren't looking. I positioned myself in the center of their formation and suddenly…

_*Buuurrrpppp*_

'I knew I shouldn't have drank those softdrinks' I thought as I mentally kicked myself

"BOOMER!!!" the humans cried out

The female shoved me away and towards the manager.

…

Who shoved me towards the war vet.

…

Who did the same and towards the biker.

…

Who repeated the process all over.

…

* * *

**--------Somewhere out there--------**

"Guys' tell me when you're done playing 'BOOMER VOLLEYBALL' okay? I'm going to get some tea." A random guy said, leaving his computer that showed what's happening to the unfortunate Boomer.

* * *

***********Hunter**

Thank god the humans finally stopped playing with the Boomer. It's getting annoying.

I stared at the guy who's using the mini-gun and noticed a stranger thing: Why on Earth is he melee-ing the damned gun!

Whatever… Third Tank's here; and that means Showtime. The survivors must not escape.

Eh? The guy that melee'd the gun is jumping on top of the mini-gun… wonder what's he up to?

…

…

Whoa! The guy just rocket jumped. Not going to let him get away. Glithcer!!!!

"Hunter pounce!" I screamed.

Okay, whose idea was it to yell the attack name? Well, at least it connected. We landed hard on the metal ramp and I began my ripping attack.

_(Hunter note: Which some people consider humping. I just don't know why...)_

"Get it off me!" the man screamed

The ground trembled and the tank approached me and my prey. I looked up and saw that he wasn't looking.

/Falcon…/ the tank bellowed.

/No!!!!!/ I roared at him in retaliation but it was too late

/PUNCH!/

I saw sent flying off the roof of Mercy hospital

/WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUNCH ME, YOU IDIOT!/

/Tank sorry. Peace man (^^) \m/ /

***********Smoker**

Hahaha. That's what kill stealers get! My celebration aside, I hid when I saw the helicopter and prepared to snare a survivor.

Let's see… War vet, Biker, Manager, Weirdo, Hot chick.

I snared the hot chick and dragged her out the chopper just in time the tank got here.

/Tank punch her!/

/no, wait, no, no, no!!!/

My tongue snapped and the female was freed.

/Whoever is the tank, he is very n00bish./ I whispered to the dizzy Boomer

***********Survivors**

"Zoey, get in!" Francis shouted whilst he stretched his arms and grabbed Zoey.

The others hauled her in and the chopper escaped the rooftop of Mercy Hospital.

* * *

**The survivors have escaped**

_In memory of:_

Jack

Erian

Many others

* * *

"Hey, was it just me or was the tank seems to be on our side?" Louis asked

"Yeah, he saved me from the hunter" Glitcher claimed

"Even though he punched me hard, he did saved me from the smoker" Zoey added

"Well, at least we're all here" Francis rejoiced

"How much weight can the chopper hold?" Bill asked the pilot

"Seven people, why?"

"How much do you think does a Tank weight? Cause you wouldn't want to see this." Bill gestured behind him.

"Can Tank come?" Tank politely asked

* * *

**Seityrn**: I'll put this on hiatus cause for a while but, we'll be back. As soon as I find that hunter. Again…


End file.
